I was going to blog about cherries here today as the truth is... I am darn near addicted to them. I know they come from places like South America and probably have been exposed to lord only knows what sort of pesticides.. they are not Organic even at $5.99 a pound but I buy ten at a time and pop them in mouth and enjoy every moment as they explode flavorfully and oh wow..they are incredible! I'm trying to fall in love with blueberries but it just isn't the same but they are good.. coming in second best in the berry/cherry race here.
But...what I am going to blog on is the randomness of my life online and how when I was looking for something today online this old blog entry came up and it amazed me.. because prayers were indeed answered. Who knew? All those emails to the Ohel and quietly said prayers said during my morning prayers and wishes made online in some distantly destroyed blog pop up and show me how much I have to be thankful for in my life today. We won't even wonder on how a destroyed blog shows up somewhere but I'm glad it did because it made me realize and remember what I wished for just a few months back on Yud Tes Kislev.
I wrote that I missed Crown Heights and wished I was there for a visit. Of course I think that day I wanted to blink myself* smack dab onto Kingston Avenue for breakfast at the bagel bar and daven at 770 and go visit Mrs. Goldman as opposed to getting dressed and going to work. I wrote that I wanted to see winter again. I wrote that I wanted to see the first snowfall of winter.. and buds on the trees. Amazingly... a few months later I did.
What started out on Yud Tes Kislev as a restless rambling online when I was in a jagged little mood and re-evaluating my life came true before Yud Shevat.
Wow. I mean really wow!! And, I wrote that I missed LA and yet ended up watching the first snow of the winter in IA so go figure.. maybe that was a typo? Maybe Hashem is the editor here and not me. Hashem is definitely in control, that we know...
Either way.. here I am going slowly through the Jewish month of Shevat and again re-evaluating my life and wondering on what to wish and pray for and what to do and take on for Chof Bais Shevat which is the Rebbetzen's yarzeit. Somewhere between now and Motzei Shabbos when I go to the program Bais Menechem is putting on I will decide and I will think on my life and the lives of others close to me.
When I got to Iowa there were buds on the tree in front of the house. It had been hot or at least warm and the trees were beginning to bud. A beautiful tree seen through a beautiful picture window looking out on a beautiful field. It looked like Spring was about to burst through and I watched the sun go down and turn the sky into the most beautiful light show I have ever seen as Friday afternoon turned into Shabbos Night. Shabbos morning, in shul as I prayed for all good things I finished my Shachris prayer and looked up and out the big window facing east and there were these little white things coming down.. things called snowflakes. Mind you I hadn't seen snow fall since 1974 or so ..so I was really excited! My brother came over from the men's side and walked outside with me as we stood there laughing as big heavy snowflakes began to fall and slowly cover the ground, the cars, the fence, the walkway... everything turned white. It was incredible, beautiful and so perfect, so right.
So.. there you go... prayers answered, prayers made on Yud Tes Kislev because thanks to my wonderful son Shuky. I was soon at the Ohel and later in Crown Heights for his L'Chaim. My very smart son who started out very Lubavitch with a drop of Karosterer Shteeble and my mother's Breslav stuff thrown in... he drifted around in Robotics winning State Finals and surfing on waves blown in from Cold fronts in Florida and made his way back full circle to Crown Heights; a very smart savy boy who knows computers, weather and when to make the right changes in life and .. knows how to take chances and go for his dreams. He inspires me and I am grateful for his inspiration. And, I am grateful for watching the first real snow of the season fall a few weeks later in Iowa for another engagement party.
You see sometimes you forget what you wish for on random, rainy, restless days when you are blogging and you never know which dreams will come true or which wishes were be answered. I hope with all my heart that the rest of those things I wished for will also come true soon.
You make a list in life... you know...
I need more money
I need more time
I need to finish my novel
I need to be more organized
I need to stick with the plan
I need to be more centered
I need to be consistent
I need to be a good example for my children
I need to get the gowns fixed for the wedding
I need to pick up my son's suit for the wedding
I need to ....
Yet, you forget those moments when you wish to see comets in the sky in September or when you wished you could see the Northern Lights and when you wished you could see the first snow of the season fall.
And, if Hashem (G-d) could make that come true.. one only wonders what else he could make come true if you are only truthful enough to wish for it, to take chances and make changes and go after your dream.. that picture in your head of what your future could be.
I can close my eyes and be somewhere right now but it's only in my head, my dreams, my memories, my mind's eye.. could that picture come true?
Who knows, we'll see. As always Time Will Tell...
I'm not blogging much these days and don't intend to but I wanted to blog today.
On cherries and on cool crisp winter days and snow falling and fire in the fireplace all aglow and the warmth of a smile and shabbos coming up real fast with so much to think on as the Rebbetzen was an amazing woman and I remember when she passed on so many years ago. We walked into Landow and there sat Rivka in the lobby on a bench and she had tears in her eyes as if her own mother had died .. as if she could not believe it. And, I think on the Rebbetzen now living in France and trying to get to safety in America and working as a librarian briefly at Brooklyn Public Library and I can close my eyes and picture myself standing at the Ohel outside her grave just a few feet away from the Rebbe and think on the first time I stood there and put a rock by her headstone.
So...that's what I am blogging today.
Made a special guest appearance here I guess and the song playing in the background is Willie Nelson's song "Don't Fade Away" with it's great purposeful lyrics that are so meaningful right now at this point in my life:
dont fade away
nothings what it seems
youre lost and in between
youre find yourself again
dont fade away
dont fade away
take your time and think it through
you got everything in front of you
its like a brand new day
each and every day
dont fade away
nothings what it seems
youre lost in between
and youre find yourself again
dont fade away
hold onto your dreams
time will turn again
dont fade away Have a great day, a great night, a wonderful Shabbos.. and may Hashem answer all your prayers ..
Love Bobbi
*blink myself... blink, as in what Jeannie did instead of davening or wishing, she just blinked and suddenly it was snowing! I think I'll have to stick with wishing, davening and leave the blinking to Jeannie :)
