Good Morning Tuesday... Walking on Sunshine

This post is for me... and maybe one or two people but really just for me.. so indulge or go away... leave me alone and let me play...

Sitting here today in my navy blue tank top and my new, blue five tierd jean skirt with the fan blowing on me and listening to Alanis Morissette sing about lost love and womanhood and after that.. when I am done being soothed by the repetitiveness of the song on ITunes I will listen to Counting Crows.


I'm here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away. It's not fair ... Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity or your son Mr. Duplicity Jr? Or all of your crazy friends who didn't leave when you did who kept following me and not you. Are they harrassing you too? I wonder, sometimes and other times.. I just want to be left alone with the fan on my face and daydreams of other places and listening to music while the AOL clock counts away, ticking slowly so it can remind me when I sign off to tell me "Ha, Ha, you wasted 88 minutes of your life today."

And, I don't care.. because I want to sit there listening to that voice that tells me that I deserve to sit a while today, on the anniversary of my father's death and the first good day that everyone is gone... away and I have the house alone to blast ITunes like I am one of your lost, wayward teenage boys..

Don't start with me today. Don't throw me off the computer or play your little games. Not today. I'm not in the mood for it. I would rather be anywhere but here today... and don't send people into the library to bother me or ask me for maps of Miami while they here and visiting from Cleveland. They said Cleveland at least five dollars. Give them the money or whatever you give them and leave me alone..

I'm not in the mood.

Everytime you speak her name does she know you how you told me you would hold me until you died, but I'm still here and I'm
I'd like to be on the pier with Jim watching the waves and talking hurricanes. But, its the time yet to talk of hurricanes and there is no strong breeze from the east-south-east and I've never been to the pier with Jim and it's way too hot to be outside today but for some reason I can see it in my mind.

Or, I'd rather me out with Mel driving cross country in his Winnebago or wannabe winnegbago going slowly north through the tropical south and maybe veer over oddly to the Great Lakes and check out the real Winnebago people and see if they are nice or special as our friend from the Great Objiwe Nation. Can't imagine anyone being as special but.. then again I am often wrong so... shrugging shoulders... sounds like a good plan. Maybe go to Lake Michigan and see it with my own eyes not Linda's eyes as she described it to me so often in letters from Northwestern, weekly letters, sometimes every few days... in her handwriting that looked like my handwriting and odd funky purplicous colors from that place and time so long ago.

I need to go away. I need a long vacation. I need even a short vacation.

Best case scenario.. a long trip where I can write and watch the world pass by and decide where I want to live and be inspired by my own muse or a muse I need to find. Lose the muse shell game, use the muse shell game.

What better way to hide out from the world and all it's company than on a westbound winnebago?

I could use to hide from the world today and from myself.

You're my best listener, my best friend .. what took me so long I've never felt this healthy before.. I've never wanted something rational, I'm aware now...

I need a vacation.
I need money for a vacation.

You hear that crazy person who is supposedly in Africa but sending presents to me from Longview Texas?

I need a vacation.
I need money for a vacation.

Send me money and send me a bus ticket on Greyhound to see America.
Put that in your UPS and FEDEX and leave me alone.

This blog is mine. My harbor. My particular harbor and not yours.

Let strangers read but not you.
Don't read me, read you.
Write... write... write... write.. you write so well.

I just ramble and play and dance and go to work and take care of the priorities of life.

But not today... smiling... nope.. not today...

... a smile comes washes over her face as she contemplates not going in to work today..........

Got a new name for this summer?
Not interested...

I want REAL this summer.

Oh yeah and summer's coming and I can feel it and you can feel it and all of the United States of America can feel it...

Coming right around the corner while Uranus tugs at your heart and Pluto blows apart someone else's life and we wonder on what sort of storms Jupiter in Scorpio will bring while the nodes go into Pisces.

Oh my .. lions and tigers and bears..

So here I am today.
Enjoying the moment but wishing I wasn't here.. and probably will go to the library today because... I like it. I have fun there. It's full of funny people.. some actually real, normal people with lives and stories that need to be told that I should be telling except I am playing with you like a good muse.

And, you know what? I love it. That's the sick part.. it's funny, it's funny, it's vital and real but I NEED TIME FOR MYSELF.

TO WRITE, TO MUSE, TO WRITE, TO LOVE.. TO LAUGH..

And, as you once said to me long ago, one lost, long morning on IM in deep discussion where you whimsically talked in riddles Mr. Comedy Writer ... comedy comes from tragedy, this little voice screaming out from the troubles and trials and tribulations of life, this sick little voice that screams out from the guts and makes you giggle sickly with your last breath.. one last joke, one last chuckle, one last line to type, one last line to commemorate the moment one last stupid line to get it out of your system, out of your mind, typing away words that may or may not ever be published.. a cartharitic sacrifice to your sick, silly, funny, lovable mind.

Sad song "A Long December".. don't use it in a happy movie and don't listen to it.. "one more night in hollywood, do you think you might come to california, think you should, nah nah nah nah uh... sad..

Looking for another.. this reads like my highschool year book with someone changing records over and over except now all he has to do is switch back and forth in ITune heaven..

Paved Paradise and Put up a parking lot is better... was probably the most often song sung this Passover by Shayna.. when they weren't singing "you had a bad day" from American Idiot lol laughing giggling, shaking my head..

You dont know what you got until its gone .. they paved paradise and put up a parking lot...

Favorite line in a movie in recent years, "I am calling you from what used to be my bedrom, it's the potato chip aisle" and "if you love something let it go, if it comes back to you.. it's broken"

tip.. one last tip before the muse puts on her clothes, gets dressed with one of her two favorite shirts that just finished tumbling in the dryer..

"Walking on Sunshine" good, good stupid song... probably the wicked brother likes it..............

That's it... Sunshine's leaving..

Bye...

Tootalooo...

How does it feel to know what I would really like to do today???

chow for now.. Bobbi boo
boop boop be doo

Don't want to spend all my whole life just waiting for you. Just waiting for you. I don't want you back for the weekend or back for a day. No, no no... see Baby I just want you back and I want you to stay...

good song, did you use this one yet??? you should.. if not you..

someone should :P

should lol giggling

Im walking on sunshine.. and don't it feel good, allright now...
Better than the buttercup song lol... better than Overjoyed or Aint No Sunshine when she's gone cause I ain't gone.. I'm alive.. I'm walking on sunshine, oh yeah..

and don't it feel good :)


PS.. busted

Oh my God.. I've been busted. Miriam just came out..(thought she was in college taking a final) looked at me and said "WHAT ARE YOU DOING" .. half asleep, she thought I was Rivky skipping school blasting the computer... tears in my eyes, I have been caught. She said, "is THIS WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU AREN'T AT WORK?"

oops my bad, giggling, cant see from laughing so hard..