Kitchen Finally Cleaned Up...

Passover in the Meyer house was ... noisy... loud.. rambunctious... high energy.

Seems always someone coming .. going.. or debating where to go next or what to do next..

Truth is I am not used to everything being topsy turvy in the house and still not used to doing Passover alone with the kids even though I have been alone for a while.

Reminds me of things I'd rather not remember. Other Passovers.. oh.. a long time ago.
People here who are not here anymore.. and never will be here again.
35 years ago or more

Even last year which was sort of a hard to take year in that on one hand I had all my kids with me which was nice... okay specifically my grandchild.. and yet someone had died ..sort of which was in its way very disturbing and then on another level I broke up with my boyfriend. Okay.. well the breakup wasn't for a few more months and came in bits and pieces but it came because of events that evolved over Pesach.. decisions he made mostly but which I didn't make clear. However you cut it.. it reminds me of it again.

Passover and other holidays are just not that easy to get into when you are single.

That's the dirty truth of it all.

Unless, you like being single.. like space, go off on your own and commune with nature, howl at the moon or stare up at the sky and go off into fantasy land. They suck. Bluntly so. No other way to put it that I can put it in finer form.

There were highlights. The Sedorim were okay... not bad but made better by Rashi Light Wine. Nice to watch my brother lead the seder even if the kids made fun of most of what he did and my mother complained what her father did (which she does ever year) but we did what our father did and that's nice. Okay, I had a piece of Uri's onion along with the potato. Uri, my son-in-law who holds from Lubavitch customs that my brother doesn't do much of anymore ..though he still does in bits and pieces. Just not the onion piece.

Shul was nice though most the women weren't there.. cooking, cleaning, peeling, sleeping..

Yesterday Sharon walked over with her girls and a grandbaby in from Canada that I didn't get to see before and...that was so beautiful. So, so beautiful.

Shul today was nice.. the shiur by the women in the afternoon was very nice. Some lady in from Israel learned a sicho with the women and afterwards everyone told stories .. mostly of things about the Rebbe and Pesach and we all sang nigunim. It was very nice. We nibbled cut up fruit and had ice water and wine.. Cabernet Savignon if I spelled that right. Very nice.. one of the nicest parts of the Yom Tov/Shabbos. A story on Rabbi Gansburg's memories of the Rebbe's early Sedorim. He passed away recently and the Machon Chana girls had a lot of memories. I went to Bais Rivkah Seminary so I have different memories... mostly good but different.


Stared up at a picture .. no a print that is a copy of a picture that Sholom Nemtzov made for my ex-husband and I when we were first married. A black and white portrait of the previous Rebbe staring down at me larger than life and larger than the one that was made for our wedding. Next to it oddly was a picture of the Rebbe made by a boy who has become a great artist but who was our Shabbos bochur when he was like 13... Ben Tzakane.. however its spelled and I am NOT googling it.

Funny how I have known so many people in my life... people of importance .. people of talent, great talent.

Funny how I brought home a copy of Asher Lev to read this weekend or look through but I didn't get around to it..and yet.. the picture stares back at me... a man in a beret who had just returned from Paris... all his portraits scattered about the lobby of the Saxony and one or two religous ones tucked away at the back of his studio... he went out with a lady, got engaged and married before we did... also got divorced (is everyone divorced?) and had kids.. and painted more pictures and somehow... came back to the world at least for a while and now I go into people's homes and find large poster prints of the picture he painted for my ex-husband and I when we got married. And, yes.. Mrs. Gansburgh told the girl I was by what Mrs. Goldman told us... he looks like he is smiling but he was always in great pain aftr the torture by the Russians... but to us it looks like he is smiling.

Maybe..somewhere he is... either way I wish I could have a talk with him and his son-in-law our Rebbe because ... I could use to have a good long talk with him.

Either way... the dishes are finally washed, the house is quiet as the party kids have gone down to South Beach in search of old friends and things to do and the youngest kids.. Rivky and Zalmy are watching a movie with their sister and brother-in-law.

I'm going off.. going to go read, write... wonder who where people are I have known, met and cared about and maybe even look through Asher Lev.. but at the moment the book about the Writer is sitting on my bed. It made me laugh. It made me smile. Such a sweet soul wrote that book.

Oh..and the cool weather has departed.. warm tonight..warm and humid in Miami

Bobbi