Hurricane Harbor

A writer and a tropical muse. A funky Lubavitcher who enjoys watching the weather, hurricanes, listening to music while enjoying life with a sense of humor and trying to make sense of it all!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Tropical Depression #8 Forms .. Season almost gone...

Tropical Depression formed today off the coast of Africa.
An unreal, beautiful wave that is set to become Helene and travel west and then recurve safely, out to sea...

But, boy is she beautiful.

And, whether she curves or scares the hell out of everyone she deserves to be looked at and admired as a beautiful system, just beautiful. Like some big cosmic universe spinning in space...

Cosmic connections... hurricanes and galaxies spinning in space.

Yes.. the season may be over. Very possibly, very or two good storms left. We will see.

Not very tropical post below but I am sharing my thoughts with you.

Someone asked me what I wanted today...

I want the truth and I want to be truthful.

Plain and simple.

Been a long day, had to go for appointments today that I hate and am terrified of usually and handle and do but oh don't you Hate having to do things you know you have to and don't want to? I do.

Otherwise.............going to bed, going to check in on TD8 tomorrow.
Going to sleep and for a few minutes before I fall asleep ..wish I was in someone's arms tonight, instead of a bed with rumpled sheets and linens and the moon slowly sliding its way across the sky.

Where's a good comet when you need one?
Or a storm..

off topic thoughts below

Current mood: okay
Category: Life

My uncle Oscar used to give me lectures about what a waste it was to be
afraid. You know the old, famous saying "have nothing to fear but fear

Something about my mother's family and lots of fears.

I listened and yet I didn't really listen because I have always had too
many fears. You can't see it to look at me. On the surface I am sunny,
bubbly, outgoing and assertive. I take crazy chances and take on things
that most people wouldn't even dream of attempting.

I figure I can land on my feet.
I figure I can figure out what to do.
I figure I will figure out a way to manage.
I am a great figurer with a pretty good figure I might add.
But most of all I figure if I pretend, no one will see I'm afraid...
The person I wish to fool is me....

Funny huh?
I deserve an Oscar.

I actually have one... My ex-husband bought me an Oscar charm to wear
around my neck when we lived in LA and he worked in Beverly Hills. His
mother was upset he spent money for jewelry when she could make me
anything I wanted. My mother was upset because she saw it and thought I
have St. Peter around my neck. The Academy found out the cute store in
the Beverly Center was selling them and made them stop selling them but they didn't get mine... Nope, mine is in a drawer and when I look at it...he winks at me and says, "Hey Bobbi... You and me against the world!"

But, the Oscar I needed in my life was Uncle Oscar. He died when I was
13. Died, died, dead. Gone.

If he had been alive I would have been less afraid.

He died and the future changed forever,

When we are small such things are so important. Who are parents are...
Who our grandparents are... Who are Uncle is... Who gets to reinforce
over and over examples to live by.

He told me on his death bed that I was smart, beautiful and could do and
be anyone or anything I wanted to be.

I believed him.

But, I was afraid still and then more afraid because Uncle Oscar.. My
rock...was gone.

So, all that I am is owed to Uncle Oscar because he made me believe in
myself and yet he couldn't teach me not to be afraid. He died too soon.
He didn't get the chance.

Oh, how the world would have been so different had he lived.

See? One person in our life can tip the scales.
One person not in our life can tip the scales.

And, slowly I am learning to be less afraid. Takes a village to replace
what might have been had one or two things been different.

I'm sorry for being afraid to take chances, to love, to try, to fight
for what was worth fighting for and hiding behind walls.

So, I'm going to try harder to be less afraid and try and remember the
words of Uncle Oscar... We have nothing to fear but fear itself.

Wish me luck. I need it!

Thanks for reading this.....Bobbi
Bubbly, sunny, sparkly and still working on myself!


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