Pre-Sunrise Thoughts

Sunrise thoughts when you can't sleep and don't want to wake up and face the day either. When the birds start singing yet the sun isn't up in the sky yet.

Can't sleep. Too much to think on that needs to be done this week and too much to do today.

And, all I can do is stare. Not stare excitedly mind you but just sort of blankly and think how the medicine will kick in around sunrise and I'll be too tired to do anything. Allergy, sinus.. asthma (a drop) ..waiting for the sun to show its light in the eastern sky.

Everyone is interested in THE WAVE. The 70 ft wave. People keep mentioning it to me. A few of my kids read the story. Catches your interest. I mean people don't realize that can happen I suppose. I do but most don't.

The new pope is being chosen. No one seems to care. Did you notice that? Sort of too much to deal with on top of the old one dying. Either you cared deeply about the old one or thought it was silly but either way it's too much papal news sort of.. and really can you just switch gears in life so fast and suddenly go from mourning to election mode? Come on.. is it all about power or what about emotions.

How much are emotions worth in this world?

I think that questions weighs heaviest on my very analytical but emotional mind these days.

Emotions/Love vs Caring and friendship vs power and $$$

It's all some big triangle fighting for supremacy yet it goes round and round like a cat chasing his tail.. or a dog .. wolves and bears chase others, right? Or do bears just forage for food and people get in the way? What do wolves do? They are beautiful in their way. No not coyotes.. wolves.

Anyway... I guess it depends on who you are...

People who are emotional and love make their choices on that and they follow their heart.

Caring and friendship usually covers those afraid to take a chance on the first because they may lose "friendship and caring" so they stay in the easy zone.. hang on to friendship and caring. Ever see two friends who like eachother caught in the mating process afraid to move on? It's hard to watch, you wince a lot and wonder if he or she will ever make that move and then you sort of figure its okay because do you really want your daughter involved and you figure.. no no... just easier not to watch, where theres life theres hope and he's still hanging in there trailing her around. Kids.. they remind you of who you used to be and keep you young. And, sometimes you never grow old because you keep relieving the past with others.

Power and $$$. They only really need power and money and no matter what they tell you, promise you or insist.. they will always go for the gold, the brass ring, the $$$ and leave you adrift waiting until they have time (time = $$$) to play with you. Not a good combination. Lately I attract the power and $$$ types. I wonder where all the party types went? Did my ascendant progress into the power zone? I'm not into power and $$$ so why am I attracting those types who put all their decisions on a bottom line level and keep moving me down their list daily, keeping me there but moving me down the list til they have time (time = $$$) until they can get around to be "someday" and yet because they are into Power don't want to let me go.

How did I get here?

This keeps me awake at night more than where I can going to rent a fridge for a week or how I will get through the next 2 weeks hearing my older kids complain about my younger kids (they have it so much easier) or my younger kids looking at my older kids like they didn't ask for a new set of parents.. "back off" and everyone looking at the youngest girl who grew breasts and wears make up while they were all gone and I am held captive by noise and commotion which I can't stand and going to go off to a place where there is usually peace and quiet and escape if I need.

Noise and commotion. Lots of love but oh what commotion. The neighbors are not going to be happy.. all the birds want to come home to the roost this year for Passover.

And, if you can't have #1 and don't give a damn about #2 can you just "love the one youre with" as the song goes? Nice song, someone round here sent it to me early on and didn't like it. Not the song, well no I always hated the song. Good sound, good beat but the message is shitty, outright shitty. I don't want to be with someone who can just love the one you're with when your heart is somewhere else and yet I am surrounded by number 3s and they do it all the time and I suppose I do too which means I don't like myself very much deep down which is probably why I am up in the middle of the night waiting the early morning hours for the sun to come up.. and dawns first light.

I'm a number one person.. I usually follow my heart. As someone real wise once said, "you wear your heart on your sleeve, don't you" which is true but I think they might have been referring to the smile in my eyes or the heart around my neck wondering if I really could belong to such a #3. Maybe they meant my eyes, but the heart hangs there often. But, I wear the heart out of love not because its worth any fortune.

Course I would wear a Red Sox Heart if I had one !!! What a joke, what a line from a play that I can't remember and is going to bug me all day. Writers and Actors and lines from a play. Maybe My Fair Lady.. some Henry Higgins Line before he sings a song. I want to say Grown Accustomed to Her Face but I'd have to check the script. Think he says "what a fool I've been" or something like that .. just sicks in my mind. Not because I have been a fool... what a joke.. They created her (that stupid play, stupid song that I spoke about too much and is now that stupid commercial lol... does everything in life go back to jr high lol)..

They created her.. Henry Higgins and yet he didn't want to change his life (money and power) so he decided he could damn well do without her and yet she could just marry Freddy whats his name and have a nice life with Freddie but she loved Henry Higgins who didn't really love anything but himself and his abilities. Yes, I can hear Burns here somewhere complaining I don't get it.. something about peanut butter cookies and Hazel and how much Clark loved Lois but he's not a number #1 he's a number 3 though in his case he wants to save the world (power) which is of course why we are in this mess because you don't fool around with Superman its STUPID.

so... I found the song lyrics... and I never liked My Fair Lady that much, think remakes are usually better. My daughter Shay LOVES My Fair Lady..

It's a stupid story about two stupid men who would rather shoot the breeze with eachother and pat eachother on the back telling eachother how wonderful they are then live a life with a beautiful, hot blooded, smart woman who cares about both of them though to be honest she loves Clark a little more than Perry and you know what I mean..

But..what do you do with Pandora when she wants out of the box?
You just tell her to love the one she's with?
You tell her to hold on til someday when all the wrongs of the world are righted?
You tell her to hold out for a Cat Five?? lol

Sun is up.. clouds building again in the eastern morning sky like its September but it feels like a cool Long Beach morning. No... truth is you didn't do shit in Long Beach, you didn't do shit in L.A. You care, they care.. we all care..

We'll all be dead and no one will care ...they'll just think it was a funny movie but what they won't undersatnd is that the movie ended good because everyone loves a happy ending except in real life Henry Higgins was too stupid to understand that the happy ending was in bed with Liza not having someone bring him his slippers.. any idiot can do that... even Liza could bring him the slippers and go to bed with him.

Poor Henry.. he just doesn't get it.

And, yes I know who sings "Whose Henry the Eighth I am" lol giggling.. thats the problem. I'm still laughing when I should be throwing the damn slippers or marrying Freddy. Giggling but truth is..the day will come and the day is coming damn fast.. the sun is rising, there's color in the sky and poor Henry is going to sitting around with Colonel Pickering Dead and Gone and a pair of old ratty slippers and Liza won't be with Freddy or Henry.. she will somewhere.. loving the one that she is with..

I found the song. Another brownie point for the cute librarian.

Eliza (singing):

What a fool I was, what a dominated fool,

to think you were the earth and the sky,

What a fool I was, What an addle-pated fool,

What a mutton-headed dolt was I!

No, my reverberating friend,

you are not the beginning and the end.

Professor Higging (speaking):
You impudent hussy, there's not an idea in your head or a word in your mouth that I haven't put there.


Eliza (singing):

There'll be spring every year without you. England still will be here without you.

There'll be fruit on the tree.

And a shore by the sea.

There'll be crumpets and tea without you.

Art and music will thrive without you. Somehow Keats will survive without you.

And there still will be rain on that plain down in Spain,

even that will remain without you.

I can do without you.

You, dear friend, who taught so well,

You can go to Hartford, Hereford and Hampshire.

They can still rule the land without you.

Windsor Castle will stand without you.

And without much ado we can all muddle through without you.

Professor Higging: You brazen hussy,

Eliza (singing):

Without you're pulling it, the tide comes in,

Without your twirling it the Earth can spin,



Without your pushing them, the clouds roll by,

If they can do without you, ducky, so can I

I shall not feel alone without you

I can stand on my own without you

So go back in your shell

I can do bloody well

Without...

Professor Higging (singing) interupts:

By George, I really did it,

I did it, I did it,

I said I'd make a woman and indeed I did,

I knew that I could do it,

I knew it, I knew it,

I said I'd make a woman and succeed I did!

(speaking)

Eliza you are wonderful